Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
