WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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