meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you would pick up someone in the library
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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