Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
