Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
