When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
