my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
