Kareoke will never be a sober sport
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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