did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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