There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
