I cannot find my penis.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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