I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
