My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
