We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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