Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
