Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
there is glitter all over my balls
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
