her vagina looked like bernie madoff
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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