im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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