I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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