i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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