just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
