I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
