it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
