Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize
