He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
