i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
