Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
