Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Redeem this text for a blowjob
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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