yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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