ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
