Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
