why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
