At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
