Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
