Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
