So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
