And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
