We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
