WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
