He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
