The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
