A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
