Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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