the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
