You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
