she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
