Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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