He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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