Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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