i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
