When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
