i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
