I seem to have left my pride at pride
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
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She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
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Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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