I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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