You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
tell me about the fingering
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
