but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
