I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
