Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
