I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
