We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
