I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
