Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
