What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Congratulations! We have a period
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
