So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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