Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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