So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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