I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
