I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
