I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
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