He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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