I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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