When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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