wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
