He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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