Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
We smell like vodka and hangover
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