we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
